What becomes of the Homophobic?

There is an excellent blog entry on Sexual Intelligence called, "Having Sex with men does NOT Make Larry Craig Gay" by author and sexpert Dr. Marty Klein. He writes about the Larry Craig scandal and says the following:

If Craig could simply say, “I’m straight, I just like to have an occasional sexual adventure with a man,” he might not have to spend his life desperately trying to convince himself that he’s not gay. He might not have to spend his professional career viciously trashing homosexuality and preventing gays from accessing their full civil rights.

He might have a marital crisis on his hands, but that’s his private business. As almost everyone agrees, lying to your spouse about having sex with someone else is immoral, regardless of their gender. Craig’s fears about his “immorality”—and his rantings about others’—were focused on the wrong thing.

I completely agree with Klein.

It isn't just men who are deeply closeted who bash gays and lesbians, it is those who are often hiding something of a sexual nature such as their own affairs, sexual fetishes and fantasies, sexual abuse, and sexual addiction to name just a few examples. Through hating themselves for their own unwanted feelings, desires and beliefs they lash out at others for their "naughty behaviors" as Craig did toward Former President Clinton and opposing gay rights.

Marty Klein is author of the book:

MSM as a construct

Interesting research found at EQUAL GROUND is the only organisation in Sri Lanka working towards mainstreaming Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans (LGBT) issues:

As a risk category, MSM are not limited to small self-identified and visible sub-populations, such as gay men and male sex workers. ‘MSM’ and ‘homosexual’ refer to different social identities. ‘MSM’ refers to the sexual relationships between men, whether or not they identify with same-sex sexual desire. ‘Homosexuality’, however, refers to more than the sexual relationship and may extend to broader relationships with the same sex, i.e. lifestyle, sexuality, etc.
In their assessment of the knowledge about the sexual networks and behaviours of men who have sex with men in Asia, Dowsett, Grierson and McNally observed that using MSM as a category does not always work. From the material they have reviewed there is not any clearly identifiable group of men who can be labelled MSM in any of the countries that they investigated.

“The literature reveals that there are no socially or self-defined groups of men that fit into an overarching category of MSM. What the review shows is that there are just men!! Fishermen, students, factory workers, military recruits, truck drivers, and men who sell sex, and so on: all these categories of men are to be found in the studies and programmes reviewed.”

There was no similar traits in all of the MSM population studied other than them being males, and engaging in sex with other men.

Reparative Therapy Guise?

***Note*** My intention in this blog entry is not to put down the work of Warren Throckmorton but to explain why I see concepts of reparative therapy throughout his work as a result of his statement that "his work does not have elements of sexual reorientation".

Warren Throckmorton posted what he believes to be my "misinterpretation" about his guidelines of his work. I blogged on July 26 this:

The problem is that when you read on both Throckmorton and Yarhouse talk about homosexuality as being able to be changed. Like reparative therapy they promise to make straight soldiers out of homosexual men....... I do wish Throckmorton and Yarhouse would stop promising to change peoples sexual and romantic orientation.

Throckmorton took issue with what I wrote on his blog writing:

Puzzled, I am. In fact, here is what we say in the framework:

Prior to outlining the recommendations, let us define what they are not. They are not sexual reorientation therapy protocols in disguise.

But throughout Warren Throckmorton's work on both his website and blog he does mention that change is possible. It may not be in the guidelines but it is throughout his body of work.

Here are just a few references from Throckmorton's work supporting and believing that change from gay to straight is possible:

In the video, "I Do Exist"

"Produced by Dr. Warren Throckmorton, I DO EXIST is a documentary about homosexuals who have changed their identity to one that is heterosexual. The documentary explores the different types of homosexuality from the people who dabble in it and people who adopt a gay identity...The most important part of the documentary is interviews with people who had identified as gay for many years and decided to change...

He is the producer of this video and still sells it and endorses it today. That means he supports the concept that sexual reorientation from gay to straight is possible.

Next, on Throckmorton's website he sites Exodus and PFOX as appropriate resources for those struggling with homosexual behavior. These groups promote the concept of changing from gay to straight. This is anti-gay and harmful.

That would be like me saying the KKK is a resource being for people struggling with Judaism!

And finally, Throckmorton's support of Yarhouse's work, which talks about changing from gay to straight, shows his support in that type of work.

It is important in anyone's work not to isolate a guideline or a book without looking at the entirety of one's body of work. Throckmorton cannot deny that while the main thrust of his work is not about changing sexual orientation, he does support those who do in his writings, videos and website.

Where does the concept of changing from straight to gay start and stop within Throckmorton's work. Hopefully he and his colleagues will work out these bugs within their work.

Men struggling with same sex attractions, desires and sexual behaviors should not be told, promised or guided to resources that speak of change of sexual orientation if they are, in fact, gay. This is harmful and a lie.

Wayne Besen (and numerous others doing research in sexual reorientation) have dispelled this work of the false concept of changing from gay to straight time and time again.

Where Throckmorton and I overlap is in helping men make sense of their same sex behaviors and assisting them in living congruent lives with integrity within themselves and others.

I believe Throckmorton's work is the best work out there at this time in helping men live within integrity with themselves if coming out is not an option for them. But they are still homosexuals. The one's who "change" were not gay from the start. Period.

How Reparative Therapy is different from Straight Guise

There is an excellent four part story on the ex-gay movement entitled My Ex-Gay Life: Dissecting Reparative Therapy My Ex-Gay Life: Dissecting Reparative Therapy

There is a great quote they start with:

"Sexuality is a fluid, dynamic thing. There’s no such thing as sexually-fixed identities - those are things that are fabricated by man." - Michael Glatze

And then the lies begin by those interviewed from the reparative therapy camps:

We are an organization of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists around the country who really are committed to helping individuals who are dissatisfied with their same-sex attractions," says Joseph Nicolosi, one of the founders of the organization who currently serves as its President. "We’re defending their right to receive such treatment, and our right to offer such treatment."

The lie is that their treatment is the belief that everyone is born straight and that homosexuality is heterosexuality gone bad!

They will state in their literature that there is "nothing gay about homosexuality". This is the problem with NARTH, Nicolosi, and other programs for "ex-gays". That one can become "ungay"--like the 7-UP commercials for the un-cola I guess.

The problem is that they are calling homosexuality inherently damaged and a result of pathology. This is old school thinking.

No one can go from gay to straight. They can stop sexual behaviors but the gay man is still gay and the lesbian is still a lesbian. I always say if I never have sex for the rest of my life I am still a gay man.

However, the straight man who engages in homosexual behavior and stops was never gay from the start! He was a straight man having sex with other men for many reasons that are not all pathological.

Nicolosi goes onto say:

"[They need to] get those needs met thought a relationship with other men," he says. "The focus is not on not having gay sex... it’s putting the emphasis on making deep emotional attachments. And we have seen that when these men make deep emotional attachments to other men, their sexual interest diminishes."

Nicolosi is saying that gay men who put emphasis on making deep emotional attachments with other men they will no longer be gay. Tell that to the thousands of gay men--including myself--who have deep emotional attachments to other men and are still gay.

Are there straight men who hunger for male intimacy and act out homosexually and once the need is met they no longer seek out sex with men? YES.

Are there bisexual men who are more attracted to women but have sex with men and stop? YES.

Yes. But they are straight or bisexual from the start. They are not gay.

The issue at hand here is that reparative therapy has confused a gay identity with straight men who have sex with other men. They are apples and oranges. The theories are accurate in why someone would seek out sex with other men but they are not about being gay or homosexuality.

Straight Guise and HIV/AIDS

Straight men who have sex with men are at high risk for contracting HIV because they commonly do not use protection. Using condoms means that they would have premeditated their sexual behavior with other men--which they do not.

This prompted the popular 2003 Oprah show on men who go on the downlow. These men were exposing themselves to HIV and other STD's and bringing it back to their wives and female partners.

In other words, when straight men have sex with other men it is often without protection. To use protection would make them "gay" and they either are not or are struggling with coming to terms with their gay identity.

In the words of my clients and studies of these straight men, if they were to bring protection it would mean that they were intentional in terms of having sexual contact with another man. This would raise the issue of whether or not they are gay or bisexual. To avoid this line of thinking their sexual behaviors with other men are spontaneous, impulsive and often unconscious in the planning so that no preparation is involved to protect themselves or others.

Some readers will respond to this saying, "Well there you go it is because they are gay or bisexual and in denial and don't want to have to admit that they are what they are!".

If it were just that easy to explain--but it is not.

Some MSM's are, in fact, in denial about their homosexuality or bisexuality and are in an early stage of coming out. However the others are heterosexual men who are aroused by having sex with other men for a variety of reasons.

Because of homophobia, they are won't explore what their behavior means and risk HIV and pass it to others.

My hope is this blog heightens awareness for these men to use protection.