Prostate Exams Part 3: Comic Relief

Here is the last of Family Guy Prostate Exams.

Prostate Exams Part 2: Comic Relief

Family Guy does a great job providing humor about how men experience prostate exams!

Prostate Exams Part 1: Comic Relief

I thought I would post this as it serves as some comic relief for what all men--straight, gay and bisexual--go through in terms of discomfort with anal activity whether it be anal sex or a simple prostate exam.

Bisexuality

Here is an email I received by a blog reader who has given me permission to publish his email to which I respond:

While I appreciate the discussion you've created on this list and on your Blog I do think that your website does also feed into a didactic viewpoint of one much either be Gay or Straight -- while you have injected the word bisexual or bisexuality in a few places, largely the content on your site seems to reflect a very either/or mentality which I think also inhibits men from understanding and accepting what their choices are beyond gay or straight. I think is most pronounced when we talk about men who are married who continue to have enjoyable and fulfilling sex with their wives also desire to have sex with men. It seems that almost everything is placed in terms of gay or homosexuality -- you don't frame this as bi or bisexuality, nor does this seem to be a viable option in your discussions, it doesn' t seem to come up.

By using dualistic terminology places in an individual into an immediate state of conflict -- of having to choose one over the other.

So I would say that I would like to see more discussions about bisexual identity as a third option -- to me, this is not the same as being gay -- and while that identity does also have its share of societal trials and tribulations -- the statistics show that in sexual identity mixed marriages, where the husband comes out during the marriage -- that in those marriages in which the husband identifies as bisexual there is almost double the success rate than in which the husband identifies as gay.

Makes sense when you think about it -- bi is inclusive of the wife, while gay is exclusive. With all of the issues that arise for a wife when a husband comes out, his identification plays a role in how that drama will play out.
Alexei

I agree wholeheartedly with you Alexei and will be posting more about bisexuality.

Here is some resources for readers to explore:

1. Bisexual.org
2. Books by Fritz Klein
3. Bisexual health: An introduction and model practices for HIV/STI prevention programming
   Sexual health issues affecting bisexuals have been largely ignored and underrepresented in academic and professional literature. Many bisexuals have negative experiences with health care providers, whether it is because they are afraid to come out to their providers or because their providers give them improper or incomplete information on HIV/STI prevention.
   This report serves as an introduction to bisexuality and a model programming guide for HIV/STI prevention.
   Created by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy Institute, BiNet USA and the Fenway Institute.

Guise and Dolls

Over the years I have treated hundreds of men--gay, bisexual and straight--who tell me that they enjoy various sexual fantasies and sexual acts but would never tell their wives. They want to tell and include her in their sexual world but worry about her judgment about something they already feel ashamed about.

Some actually do tell and receive responses such as this:

"You want me to do that? I am not that kind of woman!"
"Why would you want anal sex? Are you gay?"
"I am not going to do that and you better not get that anywhere else!"
"You cheated on me because you don't love me."

The fact is that most of these men want to engage in sexual behaviors, sexual fantasies, sexual talk, and perhaps pornography--either with their female partners included or at the very least with her knowledge.

Women often judge that if their male partners do not tell her about their sexual interests that it is because they don't love her. The fact is they don't tell because they love her do not want to lose her.

Take my client George for example. He had strong interests in receiving anal sex. He enjoyed inserting dildos and his fingers into his anus and derived strong sexual pleasure from this. He worried he was gay and learned in therapy that enjoying anal sex is not an indicator of one's homosexuality. It is a sexual act and desire which is separate from one's identity.

After George put this into perspective he decided to tell his wife. He told her of his sexual interests in his anal sex where he is the received and asked her if she would be willing to use sex toys and even a strap-on to wear while penetrating him anally. She became immediately angry accusing him of being gay and telling him she never wanted to talk about it.

Feeling ashamed, he never brought it to her attention again and found himself hiding his sex toys and looking for male partners who would anally penetrate him. He was clear that if his wife was receptive to his sexual interest he would not seek out men to engage in this act.

I asked him why he sought men and other women to do this and he said he had but received the same negative judgments from them. He reported that men who enjoyed giving anal sex never judged him. He did not care about what the men looked like or what their personality was he simply enjoyed the sexual act.

I am not blaming his wife for his acting out sexually with other men. I do hold her accountable for not being more open to talking with him about his sexual interest and at least experimenting with his sexual desires.

This is not limited to women in terms of being sexually judgmental. Men can be this way as well when it comes to their partners needs and interests. However, women tend to be less sexually open than men and these men then stray from the marriage to get their sexual needs met.

This illustrates only one of many reasons why men seek out sex with other men.