Saturday, January 26, 2008

Men Against Sexual Violence: Sexually Abused Males




I found an excellent site about raped and sexually abused males that every therapist and male who has raped or been raped should have as a resource.


The site at which I found the following is Men Against Sexual Violence http://www.menagainstsexualviolence.org/myths.html


MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT MALE VICTIMS OF RAPE


Rape happens because of an uncontrollable desire for sex with an irresistible victim.

Rape is an act of violence in which sex becomes the weapon used to control and or harm a victim the rapist perceives as vulnerable.

Men and boys cannot be raped.

One in six men report having been sexually abused by the time they were 18 (Finkelhor et al., 1990).

Anyone from infants to the elderly, regardless of gender, race, religion, socio-economic status, education, physical appearance, marital status, or culture can be raped. Rapists choose their victims carefully, looking for anything that will make the victim vulnerable and give them the advantage. They isolate their victims from bystanders who could help them, and rely upon shock, surprise, weapons, threats, strength, or positions of authority to counter the victim’s ability to resist.

Homosexual males perpetrate most sexual abuse of boys.

Men who sexually abuse males are usually pedophiles or persons who prefer a child as their sexual partner, not homosexual males. Most perpetrators know their victims (Groth et al., 1989) (Roesler et al., 1994).

A man or boy who experiences sexual arousal or orgasm during the abusive act enjoyed it.

Males may respond to stimulation even when it is abusive or violent. A man or boy who experiences sexual arousal may feel shame and guilt, but the arousal does not mean that he was willing or enjoyed it (Gartner, 1999).

Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

A boy may question or be confused about his sexual identity and orientation after having been abused by a male, especially if he experienced sexual arousal. But there is no reason to believe that sexual abuse causes homosexuality (Gartner, 1999).

Boys who are sexually abused will grow up to be sexual abusers.

While the majority of sexual abusers were abused themselves, the majority of sexually abused boys never become perpetrators (Lisak et al., 1996).

If the perpetrator is a female, the boy should consider himself lucky, not abused.

Our societal norms encourage a boy to deny any negative or traumatic responses to having been “so lucky,” to having earned a “badge of honor.” But, having been coerced or manipulated into sex by an older girl or woman is always abusive and often damaging (Lisak et al., 1996).

6 comments:

Monika said...

Great myth busting, and great link. (It seems to be linked incorrectly, however, on your post; I think blogger sometimes does that).

There are also some great books out there for male survivors. An autobiography I read that I found particularly moving was Sheldon Kennedy's "Why I didn't say anything" http://www.amazon.ca/Why-Didnt-Say-Anything-Sheldon/dp/1897178077

Kennedy did a great job of showing the complexities male survivors (and survivors in general) experience.

In my experience (I am a sexual assault/abuse therapist), men and boys are really hit with the "you are going to be an offender" myth, as well as homophobia / "you are going to turn out gay" - both of which are often well internalized.

Just as there needs to be greater awareness about sexual violence in general, so does there need to be greater awareness about male survivors, specifically.

Thanks for the education!

Anonymous said...

Found this blog interesting and helpful. But I still ask myself as a man now 55 but as a boy abused for many several years ages 12+ why have I ended up in what would be regarded as a homosexual relationship. I always wanted a relationship with a female -always ended in disaster. I believe I have never recovered from what happened to me etc. I have never had any success with females (as partners and yes, not really as friends either) and in the end I just discovered the gay scene when I was around 28. But I have always idolised the fairer sex!. I get bitter that people presume I am gay. At the very least you could argue I was bisexual etc but I do think even that is not really true, if I had been given a choice as I grew up. But I honestly believe I am not gay but have hid in this world because I cant feel secure in the straight world etc.ie less threatened more accepted (but only if I pretend I am gay in that world). But now I just have a male partner friend (he knows I definetly prefer women) and dont frequent the gay scene etc. I have no idea why I am posting this but I still search for answers on how to relate to people normally.
Anyhow I did find this blog interesting and helpful. I suppose if anyone sees this they may also find they can relate to some of how I feel? But please dont just tell me I am in denial as this makes absolutely no sense to me. I would have kille to have met the right girl and do the normal things that heterosexual couples live. My world has never been happy but I do have a very long lasting friendship with a gay man (close to 30 years). But no I dont have any other friends and that just kills me at times!

Stranger said...

Anonymous, I am glad you posted! And I know it's long ago. This is a reality and a level most don't get to.

I feel the same way you do with some differences. It's very interesting because the LGBT community really didn't listen to me--I am just denying I am gay to them.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm caught in a trap. But, if sexuality is on a continium, then you don't have to lable yourself and just get help with relationships with women.

I'm in a different boat. I get along with women fine. I find myself oddly emotionally attracted to women and physically attracted to men. Its so perplexing. I've done some repairative therapy too which is really not dangerous at all. Its not gay hate, its just for men who want a different path. I'm still though not sure where I fall.

Funny, isn't it? When others are sure where you fall and you yourself are not. I don't have all the answers either but you can read my blog and see my journey. I haven't talked about sexuality in awhile but read earlier posts.

Stranger said...

Anonymous, I am glad you posted! And I know it's long ago. This is a reality and a level most don't get to.

I feel the same way you do with some differences. It's very interesting because the LGBT community really didn't listen to me--I am just denying I am gay to them.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm caught in a trap. But, if sexuality is on a continium, then you don't have to lable yourself and just get help with relationships with women.

I'm in a different boat. I get along with women fine. I find myself oddly emotionally attracted to women and physically attracted to men. Its so perplexing. I've done some repairative therapy too which is really not dangerous at all. Its not gay hate, its just for men who want a different path. I'm still though not sure where I fall.

Funny, isn't it? When others are sure where you fall and you yourself are not. I don't have all the answers either but you can read my blog and see my journey. I haven't talked about sexuality in awhile but read earlier posts.

Stranger said...

Anonymous, I am glad you posted! And I know it's long ago. This is a reality and a level most don't get to.

I feel the same way you do with some differences. It's very interesting because the LGBT community really didn't listen to me--I am just denying I am gay to them.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm caught in a trap. But, if sexuality is on a continium, then you don't have to lable yourself and just get help with relationships with women.

I'm in a different boat. I get along with women fine. I find myself oddly emotionally attracted to women and physically attracted to men. Its so perplexing. I've done some repairative therapy too which is really not dangerous at all. Its not gay hate, its just for men who want a different path. I'm still though not sure where I fall.

Funny, isn't it? When others are sure where you fall and you yourself are not. I don't have all the answers either but you can read my blog and see my journey. I haven't talked about sexuality in awhile but read earlier posts.

Joe Kort said...

Stranger,

We do disagree in that Reparative Therapy in its Orthodox form (see www.NARTH.com) is very anti-gay and they see nothing positive about homosexuality.

I wish it were true that they would simply address the men who are not gay but have sex with other men who want to change. However they clearly state that every man who has same sex attractions--gay, bisexual and otherwise--should change and be heterosexual.

You were lucky if those you worked with did not communicate this to you. However, for most they directly speak against any form of homsexual behavior for anyone and they leave no room for someone to affirmatively identify as gay or lesbian or even bisexual.