Saturday, October 22, 2011

Why are gay men threatened by straight men having sex with men?

There was a post at a website titled, "Queerty" which was called, "Read This If You Wanna Learn How To Seduce Straight Guys". saw an article I wrote on Psychology Today about straight men having sex with other men. What baffles me are the comments of gay men who are naive and ignorant to understanding that men can have sex with men and not be bisexual or gay. I would be interested in responses here from some of you as to what your thoughts are by the comments on that site. It is clear from reading this blog and the website that I do believe and know that bisexuality exists. I acknowledge that and talk about that when it is true for some men. One comment was that, "if a man is having sex with both genders than he is bisexual". This implies that bisexuality is simply based on a sexual act which would then have to mean that being gay and straight are only based on sexual acts. I always say that if I never have sex with another man again for the rest of my life I will still be gay and I know that to be true. Gay men who are hetererosexually married and having sex with their wives are not bisexual after they come out. They were always gay. Here is the website page and the comments

Friday, February 11, 2011

Why Does THAT Arouse me?

I am thinking of doing a teleseminar to help people understand and relieve themselves of the shame of their sexual fantasies. I would love to hear thoughts of what you would like me to focus on that would interest you in knowing about what your sexual fantasies say about you!

All sexual fantasies are healthy. There are some that should never be acted on because they might be putting the person who has them or someone else at risk. I don’t believe there’s any pathology in our sexual fantasies or desires. Instead, I see them as a positive story about ourselves that’s trying to be told. Learning what the nonsexual meanings of our fantasies are can be very helpful.
For example, you might have a fantasy of being dominated and spanked. There’s nothing wrong with that fantasy and there’s nothing wrong with doing it. But what I want to help someone do is explore why they have that fantasy from a positive perspective and not necessarily pathologize it. Not in a negative way but in a positive way. What does that mean about you?”
Dr. Kort learned the benefit of helping people explore the origins of their fantasies through years of work with men who are addicted to sex and from those who have been sexually abused. By "cracking the erotic code" and learning the narrative of what the sexual desires mean can help you feel better about your sexuality and learn more about yourself.

If you would like to hear the last teleclass I did on this topic click here

New from the Kort Report February 2011

I am excited to be going to London, England to offer my workshops for gay and lesbian couples and gay and bisexual males who are partnered or single. 

I will also be offering a couple's workshop for all couples here in Michigan in March. 

I am writing for a popular magazine for gay men in the UK called, "Attitude", in which I answer questions from gay men about their lives. 

Read the newsletter for all this and more by clicking here 

Monday, February 7, 2011

Can you call yourself bisexual if you have never had sex with a member of your own gender?

What's the connection between sexual orientation and sexual activity? Can you call yourself X if you haven't Y'd?

What are the defining features of sexual orientation? That is, in this case, what makes a bi-sexual a bi-sexual?

Who gets to call themselves what? Or in your words, when is it proper to call yourself something?

Can You Call Yourself X if You've Never Y'd?
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Same-Sex Affairs: Men More Forgiving than Women, Study Says - Health Blog - CBS News

(CBS) No one likes being cheated on, but guys are more willing to forgive and forget when their girlfriend cheats with a woman than with another man.
In fact, guys are more than twice as likely to continue to date a woman who strays with a woman than one who has a heterosexual affair, according to a new study.
What about women who've been cheated on? They show the opposite pattern, saying they're more likely to continue dating a man who has had a heterosexual affair than one who has had a homosexual affair.

Same-Sex Affairs: Men More Forgiving than Women, Study Says - Health Blog - CBS News
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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sex on the Download: A Four part teleclass

Find out what is wrong and what is right with looking at porn on the internet and chatting with others on the internet.

Part 1

A four part teleclass with Joe Kort and Tammy Nelson

"Sex on the Download" is a reflection of our current culture of internet relationships where the growing societal influence of connecting in cyber relationships can create real time intimacy, but may also lead to compulsive sexual behaviors, porn addiction and compulsive infidelity.

Is it inevitable that in the not too distant future we will ultimately download all of our intimate and sexual connections?

For some users, this time may already be here. And it may be effecting real life partnerships, jobs, and the ability to create healthy sexual connections.

Therapists, educators, sexuality counselors and medical practitioners will benefit from this training to assist anyone who uses the internet as a pathway to relationship, connection, sexuality or pleasure and who finds themselves caught in a web of cyber chaos, pain, addiction or crisis.

Learn direct interventions, insight oriented and nonpathologizing behavioral changes, and directed attempts to connect for couples and individuals. We will use lecture, case example and worksheets and handouts. Supervision, group discussion and ongoing support is included in this LIVE teleclass.

Four Tuesdays: Jan 25, Feb 1, 8, 15, 2011
12pm – 1pm EST

COST: $200 (student discount may be available)

Week 1 - Participants will learn to provide appropriate diagnosis of sexual disorders such as sexualcompulsivity, sexual addiction, porn addiction, compulsive infidelity and other sexual behavioral disorders that manifest as internet disorders. Is there such a thing as sex addiction? Is porn addiction real? Can it be something else? What is healthy use of the internet? Can pornography use ever be healthy?

Week 2 - Participants will learn ways to work with partners to accept responsibility for the repair of sexual dysfunction as it relates to object relations and personal sexual history. Work with couples to repair relationships after infidelity, after porn addiction, after betrayal or trauma. Move partnerships through specific stages of erotic recovery necessary for healing.

Week 3 - Participants will learn ways to address the nonsexual meanings of sexual behaviors or lack thereof including cracking the code of fantasy and desire as it relates to internet behavior. Learn ways to share fantasy with partners to decrease anxiety and bring erotic energy back in to the relationship instead of splitting it off to outside exits.

Week 4 - Participants will learn ways to explore their own countertransference, assumptions and assertions and the difficulties this presents in the treatment of internet relationships. The non-pathological use of theinternet is reflected in positively framed couples work using fluidity, intuition and sexual empathy.

Tammy Nelson, PhD, LPC, is a Certified Sexologist, a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Imago Therapist and the author ofGetting the Sex You Want: Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together, and lectures and trains internationally on sex and relationships.

Joe Kort, PhD, LMSW, is a psychotherapist and Board Certified Sexologist who specializes in sexual identity issues, IMAGO relationship therapy, sex therapy and sexual addiction. He is the author of two books on gay male identity and relationships, Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician and has a chapter for female partners who are involved with men who have sex with men in Mending a
Shattered Heart

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sexual Orientation Confusion: Making Sense of Sexual Orientation Confusion on

Sexual Orientation Confusion
Making Sense of Sexual Orientation Confusion
By , Guide
Updated February 11, 2009

In public, most people present themselves as having one single sexual orientation. Society, families, and even our closest friends put a lot of pressure on us to choose one sexual orientation and stick with it. But privately, many of us have questions and some confusion about our own sexual orientation -- and not just when we’re younger.

How Is Sexual Orientation Determined?There are many theories about how sexual orientation is determined, and often the theory you get will say as much about the person giving it as it does about the research or thought that went into developing the theory.

Those who subscribe to the theory of genetic determinism believe we’ll find a single “gay gene” or marker that controls our sexual orientation. Another theory is that no single factor will be found that accounts for our sexual orientation, because no single factor exists. Yet another theory is that the problem is in thinking about sexual orientation as something fixed in the first place. Some theorize that sexual orientation is a more or less fluid depending on the individual, and that it changes based on a combination of nature, nurture, and personal interactions.

Different groups also debate the question of whether or not sexual orientation is a choice. This is related to the debate about whether or how much sexual orientation is genetic, and like that discussion, this one has no single answer and will likely never end.

To read more click here.