Thursday, August 22, 2013

Interesting comments on a blog reprinting my HuffPost Article

A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of briefly speaking with psychotherapist and author Dr. Joe Kort.  Dr. Kort has appeared on The Tyra Banks Show, The Montel Williams Show and Oprah & Friends Radio to name a few.  I was requesting his permission to re-post an article he authored for the Huffington Post.  His article Why Some Straight Men Are Romantically or Sexually Attracted to Other Men, I feel is extremely insightful and thought provoking and I wanted to share it with the Cypher Ave audience.  In the article he briefly states a variety of reasons why many types of men engage in same-sex relationships. I loved the fact how the subject matter was from the perspective of a professional therapist in tuned with male sexuality.   Check out the article below and as always, feel free to share your thoughts and opinions. 
-Ocky Williams

Read more:

Friday, August 2, 2013

Why Some Straight Men Are Romantically or Sexually Attracted to Other Men

This is recent blog entry I made on Huffington Post:

I recently wrote a blog post about the music video for singer-songwriter Steve Grand's song "All-American Boy," in which a gay man falls in love with a straight man and they share a quick kiss. In that post I addressed why gay men might be attracted to straight men, but that question raises another: Why might a straight man be romantically or sexually attracted to other men? Why did the straight guy in the video kiss the gay guy back, after all?
The following scenario happens many times: A man comes into my office, referred by his own therapist and clutching coming-out literature that the therapist has given him. He explains that his therapist has tried, unsuccessfully, to help him come out as gay or bisexual, but even though he's had sex with other men or gone to gay porn websites, he insists that he isn't gay. He says that he isn't homophobic either; if it turns out that he is indeed gay or bisexual, he'll accept it and move on with his life, but the label just doesn't feel right to him.
During the last three decades, in reaction to prejudiced and destructive anti-gay attitudes, we've seen the pendulum swing so far in the other direction that it's now become almost a therapeutic credo, not to mention a requirement of political correctness, to assume that men who have sex with men are "in denial" and need help to recognize and accept their "true" homosexual orientation. In fact, neither extreme represents the experience of many men. The truth is that many men who have sex with men aren't gay or even bisexual. Although their mental and emotional state resembles that of the initial stages of coming out, gay and bisexual men go on to develop a gay or a bisexual identity, whereas these men don't.

To continue reading click here

The comments from people insisting that labels matter and trying to put people in boxes are most interesting to me. How about you?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

"A Billion Wicked Thoughts" book talks about why straight men are interested in sex with men.

There is growing scientific evidence and research being done as to why straight men would be interested in sexual activity with other men. 
Here is some information from Stephen Snyder, MD
It’s not so unusual these days for a woman to discover pornographic pictures on her husband’s computer.  But the images that one wife found recently were especially shocking.  Her first thought when she found them was, “This is the end of our marriage.”
Her next thought was, “This is the end of civilization.”
The pictures were of nude women, ordinary looking women, except with big erect penises where their female genitals should be.  Some were clearly computer-manipulated photographs.  Others seemed to be some kind of Japanese cartoon.   She’d wasted no time in calling her therapist.
Was he gay?   No.   On the internet, there are enough images of real men with erections, in all possible guises and permutations, to satisfy even the most novelty-crazed gay man.
Was his nature in some way secretly feminine?  Absolutely not.   Women don’t go looking for pictures of erect penises.  A woman may appreciate it when a living, breathing male partner has become erect out of desire for her.   But only after he’s proven his worth in other ways.
So what was the husband’s problem?
When I polled colleagues, their response varied from “Never heard of it, but it sounds pretty sick,” to “Steve, you don’t get out enough. This kind of stuff has been around forever.”
Some light on the subject
Last month I received an advance copy of a new book of sexual research, A Billion Wicked Thoughts, that explores the matter of women with erections and many other sexual subjects using an interesting new method.
In the space of a single year, using publicly available data, authors Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam collected the records of 400 million internet searches in the US and elsewhere, and analyzed whatever sexual content they found.
After reading the book, I was convinced I had my answer to the question of what was wrong with the husband who liked to look at women with big erections.
The answer:  Nothing was wrong with him at all.
According to the authors of A Billion Wicked Thoughts, he was the target of a sophisticated internet marketing trick, offering men a novel combination of two ordinary things that many ordinary heterosexual men like to look at:   women’s naked bodies . .  and erect penises.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Heterosexual men fellated by gay men have lower prostate and testicular cancer risk, study says

Every once in a while I come across something of humor and like to post it. Here is an article that is similar to something you would find in The Onion.

It also plays to the concept of gay men being attracted to straight men and finding ways to make straight men okay with being sexual together.

Heterosexual men fellated by gay men have lower prostate and testicular cancer risk, study says

Missoula, MT -- Heterosexual men who are regularly fellated by homosexual men have a lower risk of developing prostate and testicular cancer, a research study has found.
The "Study On The General Health Benefits Of One-Way Gay Fellatio" was spearheaded by University of Montana Sexual & Liberal Studies research fellow Dr. Wendel Jones, and will be published in the upcoming Spring issue of the Men's Journal Of Health & Gender. It was initially met with jeers and snickering when first proposed in 2005, but Jones persevered to get funding, and was finally able to get it off the ground a year later.
Conducted over a period of four years, the research involved 600 men aged 23 to 54 who exclusively identify as heterosexual and enjoy penetrative vaginal sex with women. They were divided into two groups: one received oral sex on a daily basis from a team of experienced homosexual men, while the other did not. At the end of the study, all 600 were screened for prostate and testicular cancer. Eight tested positive for prostate cancer; six for testicular. All fourteen were from the group that did not get serviced orally by gay men.
Biologists who have examined the findings believe it may have something to do with "innate body resonance" (IBR), which refers to the human body's natural, ingrained inclination to react positively to external stimuli coming from another person of the same sex. In this case, the oral stimulation of a man's genitals by another man results in a positive metabolic effect that is magnified intrinsically by the body and improves its chances of resisting prostate and testicular cancer development.
"Gay men often like to say that no one knows how to please a man better than another man," said Dr. Gayle Darvill. "Well, it's not just a pick-up line. It's innate body resonance."
Darvill added "it's no surprise" that fewer gay men die of prostate or testicular cancer. "The gays have unknowingly stumbled on the secret to prostate and testicular health," said Darvill.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Watching porn makes straight men more receptive to the idea of same-sex marriage, new study claims

I posted recently about how straight men can become more susceptible to having sex with another man through the amount of porn he watches. I have also sat with gay and straight men who have told me that they have engaged in various sexual activities which were introduced to them from porn.

I don't judge this to be a positive or negative thing as much as I try to understand the person's relationship to the sexual activity.

That said, it makes sense to me that the more porn a straight man watches the more receptive to the idea he would be of gay marriage. The more positive exposure people receive to witnessing gays in any way, the less homophobic they become and research has shown this to be true as well. To read some of this research I recommend Dr. Herek's research

This study supports this idea.

Watching porn makes straight men more receptive to the idea of same-sex marriage, new study claims Read more: Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Campaigners for same-sex marriage have always come up against particularly vociferous opposition from heterosexual men.
But a study from the U.S. has suggested a novel method of persuading them to soften their stance on the divisive issue: get them to watch dirty videos.
The new academic analysis suggests that the more that straight men watch pornography, the more they warm to the idea that two people of the same sex could be married.
Paul Wright, assistant professor of communications at Indiana University and author of the study, said the effect was particularly marked in men who were less-well educated.
He said the change in attitude could because of pornography opens their mind to accepting non-traditional sexual situations - like those involving participants of the same sex.

To read the entire article click here

Friday, January 18, 2013

Research on "mostly straight men"

Here is a great article written byRitch Savin-Williams and Kenneth Cohen discussing their research about why straight men would be interested in sex with other men.

Mostly Straight Men Who Have Sex With Men

National surveys in the U.S. and Canada show that 3 to 4 percent of male teenagers, when given the choice to select a term that best describes their sexual feelings, desires, and behaviors, opt not for heterosexual, bisexual, or gay, but for “mostly” or “predominantly” heterosexual.

An even higher percentage of post-high-school young-adult men in the U.S. and in a handful of other countries (including New Zealand and Norway) make the same choice. There are now more young men who feel they are “mostly straight” than who say they are bisexual or gay.

To the uninitiated, “mostly straight” is a paradox. These young men fracture the heterosexual agenda—or do we call it a lifestyle? If a guy is not exclusively into girls, he can’t be totally straight. Aren’t you supposed to pick a side?
If a guy is not straight, not bisexual, and not gay—and yet still falls in love and gets an erection—what the hell is he?

Read more at 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Pornography and Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

On Jan 1 I posted a TED talk of Your Brain on Porn

As I went through their website I found some great information about HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I get many calls from men suffering from this and I have always believed it had something to do with internet pornography addiction attaching itself to OCD. These researchers think similarly:

Below is from the Your Brain on Porn Website:

Fear of Being Gay (Homosexual OCD / HOCD)

Emerging sexuality can be confusing for any teen or young adult, and gay teens face a variety of unique challenges over the course of adolescence.
In addition to learning to understand their own sexuality, gay teens must navigate complex situations and pressures that may not be relevant for straight teens. They must also deal with opinionated parents, friends, and others who sometimes hold differing views about sexuality. Anxiety, distress, and confusion are often part of this process.
This post is not about the anxiety associated with being gay or with “coming out” but instead discusses homosexual OCD (“HOCD”), an anxiety disorder that affects a small number of individuals. HOCD is not unique to teens but can occur at any age.
What is HOCD?
Homosexual OCD (“HOCD”) is a specific subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that involves recurrent sexual obsessions and intrusive doubts about one’s sexual orientation.
Straight individuals with homosexual OCD experience obsessive fears about the possibility of being gay. Their HOCD obsessions often consist of unwanted thoughts, impulses, or images that uncontrollably pop into consciousness. To reduce the anxiety brought on by their obsessions, individuals with HOCD engage in a variety of rituals that focus on “proving their true sexuality” or reducing their perceived “vulnerability” to becoming gay.
Sexual obsessions can also affect gay men, lesbians, or bisexual individuals with OCD, who may become fearful about the possibility of becoming straight (“Straight OCD”). The common element that unites these seemingly opposite sexual obsessions is the fear of being attracted to something unwanted, taboo, or “unacceptable” based on one’s particular worldview. For the sake of simplicity, I’ll be using HOCD-centric language in this post. However, the same basic elements are directly applicable to all people with obsessive doubts about their sexual orientation.
People with HOCD worry that they might secretly be gay or might become gay, despite not questioning their sexuality in the past. Prior to the onset of HOCD, they might have had few doubts about their sexual orientation. Many people with homosexual OCD also have a history of having enjoyed heterosexual relationships in the past.  It was only after the first unwanted thought “popped” that they became overly concerned about the prospect of being gay. The occurrence of this unwanted thought then causes them to question their sexual identity and reanalyze previous experiences, in light of the possibility that they might possibly be gay.
Individuals with homosexual OCD want to know “for sure” that they are not gay and often go to great lengths to prove to themselves that they are straight.  However, due to the way OCD is strengthened and reinforced by rituals, these attempts ultimately backfire.  The result is that some people with HOCD become extremely disabled.  In order to avoid symptom triggers, it’s not uncommon for people with homosexual OCD to become depressed and drop out of school, quit their jobs, end relationships, or make other life-altering decisions that paradoxically make their symptoms worse.
In some cases, individuals with HOCD experiment with homosexual relationships or adopt gay lifestyles because of doubt about their heterosexuality. This doubt causes them to leave their current spouses/partners, “come out,” and begin to date same sex individuals. However, in contrast to lesbians and gay men who “come out” and find happiness, individuals with HOCD find their new lives distressing, confusing, and dissatisfying. Moreover, they continue to experience doubt and uncertainty about their sexuality.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Can porn make you engage in sex you don't want?

There is a great talk on TED which describes the problems men are having who watch too much porn. Close to the end Wilson addresses how porn can sway you away from your sexual orientation toward sexual behaviors with whatever sex you are not attracted to.

Again this facilitates the dialogue I am trying to have here on this blog which is that straight men can have sex with other men. It is about behavior, not sexual orientation.

This is true for gay men as well as we see everyday in which they are having sex with women even though their orientation is homosexual.

The movie Shame showed also how a sexually addicted man escalated his sexual acting out behaviors to the point where he had sex with men even though he was heterosexual. It was accessibility, not sexual orientation.

The Great Porn Experiment: Gary Wilson at TEDxGlasgow