Friday, November 12, 2010

Los Angeles, Calif., (November 11, 2010) - After reading the recent CNN report about Phillip Greaves' e-book being boycotted by thousands of users, Dr. Howard Fradkin, founding board member of MaleSurvivor, wants people to understand the reality of children who have been sexually victimized by pedophiles. Researchers have found that one in six boys are sexually abused by the age of eighteen, with an average age of ten for the first incident. Most boyhood sexual abuse occurs between the ages of two and fifteen at the hands of adults commonly referred to as pedophiles.

"While I have not read the book, I have read Phillip Greaves' comments from his interview with CNN. Here is what I would like people to understand:

"True love does not include hurting children, and any time a child is violated sexually, either through penetration, sexual kissing or fondling, it hurts the child. Children do not have the capacity to give informed consent; even if a child perceives some pleasure in the attention received from a pedophile, in my experience it is always harmful to the child, not just in the moment, but for a very long time.

"From my perspective, loving a child commits an adult to protect the child from the demands of adult sexual needs and desires. Pedophiles are unable to see their behavior as harmful to a child which is why they describe it as being a loving way to introduce sexuality to a child.

"It may only be much later in adulthood that children experience the ill effects of the abuse, which often includes problems with emotional and sexual intimacy stemming from an inability to trust, substance abuse, sexual addiction, confusion in sexual orientation, depression, and suicide.

"The imposition of adult sexuality and emotional needs on a child is a developmental catastrophe, even when it is done with the 'best of intentions', the sort of good intentions I suspect Philip Greaves may argue for in his book.

"Most survivors of childhood sexual abuse do not become pedophiles, although it is believed most pedophiles were themselves victims of sexual abuse in childhood. Pedophiles often lack true empathy for the negative effects of their own childhood experiences of abuse and similarly lack true empathy for the negative effects of their sexual behavior with children.

"I would hope that instead of a book being written to help pedophiles engage in their behavior with less shame and guilt, a book should be written to help pedophiles identify the ways in which they mistake their own adult sexual desires toward children as an act of love, rather than as an act of self-gratification."

Today, Dr. Fradkin will appear on The Oprah Winfrey show alongside Tyler Perry and 200 brave men to lift the veil of shame from male sexual abuse. The first segment of this two-part series aired last Friday, November 5, and has been touted as one of Oprah's most groundbreaking, "game changing" shows in her twenty-five year talk show career.

Today at 4PM Oprah Part 2 Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse


This show today will be about men and their partners dealing with the aftermath and post traumatic stress of childhood sexual abuse.


I just found this on Facebook. It is relevant for this blog given that I started this blog based on the concept of men on the downlow.

--a one-of-a-kind lifestyle and entertainment web television show.

NoMoreDownLow.TV is the premiere lifestyle and entertainment web television broadcast dedicated to speaking the truth and dispelling the negative stereotypes of same gender loving people of color and their allies.

Jonathan Plummer & Janora McDuffie are the co-hosts. The show debuts on National Coming Out Day, October 11, 2010.Mission:Produced by Winbourne Entertainment Group; Earnest Winbourne, CEO and Executive Producer; Calvin Fleming, ProducerFacebook


Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sexually Abused Males

So many readers of Straight Guise are sexual abuse survivors. Sexual abuse is the number one reason many straight men compulsively have sex with other men.

Given this I want to direct readers to a Q&A I do for

Also coming this Friday, November 5 is a two-day discussion on Oprah on males who have been sexually abused

Oprah flew out 200 men who were sexually abused and for the first time has an all male audience talking about their childhood sexual abuse experiences.

New Study show that 17% of heterosexual adults admit being attracted to someone of the same gender!

Adam & Eve (, America’s most trusted source for adult products, isn’t afraid to ask the tough questions when it comes to its “Great American Sex Survey.” This month’s results reveal that 17% of heterosexual adults admit being attracted to someone of the same gender!

For more information go to

Friday, October 29, 2010

Response emails to gay for pay

This is an email I received after my "Gay for Pay" article was written. I
am reprinting with permission from the sender:

I believe that there is
such a thing as gay for pay. Many gay for pay performers are mediocre at best
and some of them are downright awful. Any time a man needs to see straight porn
while performing gay sex you should know that he is in bad shape. For example Bam is a porn star
who does not gay and straight porn. More often than not, his gay performances
are not particularly well done. On the other hand, when he performs straight sex,
he does not have a single problem in maintaining an erection sometimes that he
must work on to perform gay sex. Another example is Castro aka Supreme. He is
one of the worst performers around. When he performs with black or Latino
performers, he makes having sex look like a very difficult job to do. He has the
hardest time trying to position his sex partner. The only time when he seems
remotely interested in performing gay sex is when he started to perform with
white gay performers. I think that his performances with them is based on the
fact that he is paid more on a white website than black studios and he can push
his white performers around with great ease because they like being treated that
way particularly when performing with a black star with a big dick. The extreme
lack of intimacy and the absence of touching while performing sex is another
indicator to me. Although I recognize that some gay men will not kiss or touch
their partners, gay for pay performers not only have that problem but they also
will not perform certain other sexual behaviors that they find distasteful like
sucking another man’ penis. This situation is common among many black
homosexuals. One more example watch Bjorn’s movie about making a porn movie and
look at the some of the performers and the expressions on their faces. You see
nothing but disgust and contempt. I will stop rambling. Take care

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Is there such thing as ‘gay for pay?’

My comment is basically about sexuality – specifically in the gay porn industry.

Many “gay” porn performers insist they are completely straight and only
“do it for the money.’” I guess my question is: Can you be completely straight
while having gay sex?

My opinion is that you have to be aroused during
sex with someone – which would mean these ’straight’ performers are turned on by
their male partner – which would mean they’re not completely straight. Right?

However, I’ve talked to industry insiders who aggressively maintain that
many of their performers are indeed completely straight and are NOT aroused
while performing a gay sex scene and that they are “just doing their job.” This
confuses me greatly.

I would say that sexuality is fluid and not black
& white, but the topic of “gay for pay” in the porn industry is a hot topic
and it fascinates me that these performers contend and assert their
heterosexuality. What are your opinions?

The answer to the question is absolutely yes! The way to understand this is from the perspective that what excites these guys is not the man but sex. For many men, the act of sex is arousing and male or female is not as much a factor as the actual sexual arousal. For example, we understand that men in prison engage in sex with other men and are not gay. Their sexual orientation stays the same, but the desire for sexual release and orgasm is the drive – not the sexual connection to the man.

There is a difference between sexual orientation, sexual fantasies, and sexual behavior. They don’t often line up the way we think they should. Many gay men enjoy sex with women – especially younger gay men and heterosexually-married gay men. These men report they enjoy the sexual act and are deeply satisfied because of their connection to the woman.

To read more of my answer go to

American Sex Survey proves that people can be heteroflexible

A recent American Sex Survey funded by the maker of Trojan condoms helps explain that more men have had sexual contact with other men and legitimizes my clinical findings The survey was of 5,865 people ranging in age from 14 to 94.

Also, researchers discovered quite a few middle-aged American men are on the down low: While just 7% of adult woman and 8% of adult men identified themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual, some 15% of men aged 50 to 59 said they had received oral sex from another man.

Read more:

Here is a clip of a local news station in Detroit, MI in which I was interviewed about the survey

Thursday, February 18, 2010

MaleSurvivor Conference

MaleSurvivor Conference will offer cutting edge research, best clinical techniques and advocacy strategies on male sexual abuse

International organization dedicated to preventing, healing, and overcoming sexual victimization of boys and men through education, treatment, and advocacy announces 2010 conference at John Jay College

New York, NY (February 16, 2010) – MaleSurvivor (, an international organization dedicated to issues surrounding the sexual victimization of boys and men, has announced the details of their bi-annual “Healing & Hope” international conference. The conference, whose attendees travel from all over the world to participate in workshops and seminars conducted by leading experts, will take place at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice in New York City from Thursday, March 18, 2010 through Sunday, March 21, 2010.
This year’s line-up of guest speakers and authors includes: Theoron Fleury, Olympic Gold Medalist and Stanley Cup Champion; Robert B. Oxnam, a dynamic speaker and Asia expert who has advised leaders such as Bill Gates and Warren Buffet; Joe Kort, PhD (MSW, MA), a Board Certified Sexologist specializing in sex therapy and author of “Mending a Shattered Heart”; Robert Weiss (LCSW, CSAT), Founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute and author of “Cybersex Exposed.”

Originally geared toward clinicians and behavioral health professionals, many of whom were survivors, the conference has grown to include survivors and their loved ones, attorneys, law enforcement professionals, legal advocates, researchers, educators, and students.

“The range of presenta­tions has become exceptionally wide and includes workshops, clinical presentations, and survivor presentations about personal experiences,” remarked Dr. Richard Gartner, official spokesperson for MaleSurvivor. “Research discussions, prevention workshops, and presentations by leading experts from all fields are an integral part of what make the conference such a unique opportunity for those who attend.”

The cost to attend the 2010 International “Healing & Hope” conference ranges from $250 to $449. Members of MaleSurvivor pay a reduced rate. For more information about the conference contact Trish Massa at YTAMassa[at]

About MaleSurvivor

Founded in 1995, MaleSurvivor ( is committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support, treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism. The organization offers a bi-annual international conference, several “weekend of recovery” retreats throughout the year, and web based services including a quarterly newsletter, discussion boards, chat rooms and educational materials. Memberships are available for both survivors and all who support them.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

What is the difference between a fetish and sexual addiction?

There's a difference between a fetish and hypersexuality--also known as sexual addiction. For every female who exhibits this disorder, there are 20 males who do, so most of this discussion will revolve around men.

A fetish is defined as erotic or sexual significance being projected onto some (ordinarily!) nonsexual inanimate object. Targets of fetishists' desire can include shoes, stockings, jockstraps, underwear and practically anything not typically considered to be sexually arousing in and of itself. Many people can be aroused at the sight of someone wearing these articles of clothing, but the course of any sexual act with that person, such "accessories" are quickly discarded. But for the fetishist to experience sexual arousal and gratification, he needs to have the article of clothing or inanimate object physically present . He depends on the object for tactile and (usually) visual stimulation. Without it, he's often unable to ejaculate or even become erect.

A fetish is similar to, but not the same as sexual addiction, in that it is repetitive, compulsory and at times ritualized. A fetish can take up considerable time-sometimes hours-involving sexual urges, behaviors and fantasies of the particular object. Some people have just one fetish while others have more than one. Many who possess a fetish find it disturbing, time-consuming and intrusive, not wanting this particular desire and interest to be so compelling. But it does differ from sexual addiction in that it can be incorporated into one's sexual life and not interfere. Often it is the more about the shame around the fetish than the fetish itself. Some in the psychotherapeutic community point to strong evidence that fetishism may lie along the spectrum of obsessive-compulsive disorders.

Those who enter therapy for a fetish typically report experiencing jut as much distress as those suffering from sexual addiction. The clinician must assess if the reported distress derives from shame (based on lack of education about their sexually arousing desires) and to what degree it's interfering with their forming attached relationships, or with any "public" area of their lives like employment or studies.

There's some controversy over how valid and reliable the classifications of fetishes really are. There's also controversy around some of the fetishes-particularly transvestic fetishism-being removed from the DSM-IV, since these activities typically involve consenting adults and do not violate any laws.

I personally agree that otherwise we shouldn't pathologize behavior that isn't pathological! Except for ones that harm children and others that which are illegal, all paraphilias should be removed from the DSM-IV. They may not seem normal to many, but that's not to say they aren't healthy and normal for a given individual.

A partialism is a sexual focus on not the entire body, but only a body part (hair or feet) or bodily characteristic or feature (hair, feet, amputation). Thus, "foot fetishist" is really the incorrect term for someone into feet. He should really be called a "foot partialist."

The good news is that fetishes, partialisms, and other paraphilias can often be incorporated into a healthy sex life with a partner! Therapists should know how to help these individuals and advise these couples.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Is Sexual Addiction the right term? Free audio class

Sex Addiction, Is it Real?
with Dr. Joe Kort

What would you do if Tiger Woods and his wife came to your office? Would you know how to treat them? Sex addiction and sexual dependency are common in today's treatment offices. But do you know how to make a differential diagnosis? And more importantly, do you know how to help these people and their partners?

For a free download click here

While this is primarily for clinicians, everyone could learn and understand how sexual addiction is treated by certified sex addiction therapists.

Sexual Addiction Chat in Detroit Free Press Q&A

Today the Detroit Free Press had a web chat on the topic of sexual addiction with myself and Dennis Sugrue, Bloomfield Hills answering questions. The discussion was moderated by Patricia Anstett, Detroit Free Press medical writer.

If you are a reader of this blog and, and you think your sexual contact with men might be a result of sexual addiction and compulsivity, than this might be helpful for you.

Go to and read the hour long chat.