Response emails to gay for pay

This is an email I received after my "Gay for Pay" article was written. I
am reprinting with permission from the sender:


I believe that there is
such a thing as gay for pay. Many gay for pay performers are mediocre at best
and some of them are downright awful. Any time a man needs to see straight porn
while performing gay sex you should know that he is in bad shape. For example Bam is a porn star
who does not gay and straight porn. More often than not, his gay performances
are not particularly well done. On the other hand, when he performs straight sex,
he does not have a single problem in maintaining an erection sometimes that he
must work on to perform gay sex. Another example is Castro aka Supreme. He is
one of the worst performers around. When he performs with black or Latino
performers, he makes having sex look like a very difficult job to do. He has the
hardest time trying to position his sex partner. The only time when he seems
remotely interested in performing gay sex is when he started to perform with
white gay performers. I think that his performances with them is based on the
fact that he is paid more on a white website than black studios and he can push
his white performers around with great ease because they like being treated that
way particularly when performing with a black star with a big dick. The extreme
lack of intimacy and the absence of touching while performing sex is another
indicator to me. Although I recognize that some gay men will not kiss or touch
their partners, gay for pay performers not only have that problem but they also
will not perform certain other sexual behaviors that they find distasteful like
sucking another man’ penis. This situation is common among many black
homosexuals. One more example watch Bjorn’s movie about making a porn movie and
look at the some of the performers and the expressions on their faces. You see
nothing but disgust and contempt. I will stop rambling. Take care

Is there such thing as ‘gay for pay?’

My comment is basically about sexuality – specifically in the gay porn industry.

Many “gay” porn performers insist they are completely straight and only
“do it for the money.’” I guess my question is: Can you be completely straight
while having gay sex?

My opinion is that you have to be aroused during
sex with someone – which would mean these ’straight’ performers are turned on by
their male partner – which would mean they’re not completely straight. Right?

However, I’ve talked to industry insiders who aggressively maintain that
many of their performers are indeed completely straight and are NOT aroused
while performing a gay sex scene and that they are “just doing their job.” This
confuses me greatly.

I would say that sexuality is fluid and not black
& white, but the topic of “gay for pay” in the porn industry is a hot topic
and it fascinates me that these performers contend and assert their
heterosexuality. What are your opinions?

The answer to the question is absolutely yes! The way to understand this is from the perspective that what excites these guys is not the man but sex. For many men, the act of sex is arousing and male or female is not as much a factor as the actual sexual arousal. For example, we understand that men in prison engage in sex with other men and are not gay. Their sexual orientation stays the same, but the desire for sexual release and orgasm is the drive – not the sexual connection to the man.

There is a difference between sexual orientation, sexual fantasies, and sexual behavior. They don’t often line up the way we think they should. Many gay men enjoy sex with women – especially younger gay men and heterosexually-married gay men. These men report they enjoy the sexual act and are deeply satisfied because of their connection to the woman.

To read more of my answer go to http://www.365gay.com/news/ask-the-expert-is-there-such-thing-as-gay-for-pay/

GUYS ON FILM | Straight up gay porn for some actors

Regardless of whether or not people believe that straight men can be sexual with other men and still be straight, it seems that venues such as gay porn films and websites such as:

(WARNING BEFORE CLICKING THESE SITES ARE GRAPHIC)

"Straight Guys for Gay Eyes"

"Straight College Men"

The point is that there is a lot of ignorance that straight men can have sex with other men and still be straight. The same way gay men can have sex with women and still be gay.

Here is an article that talks about some of this.

Media Credit: Alexis Johnson
GAY FOR PAY Jeffrey Escoffier shows a clip of a gay porn film to attendees.

"Some directors think that it is better to have straight men in gay porn," said
Jeffrey Escoffier, who writes about gay culture, politics and history. "They
have less trouble getting erections."

Last night at 19 University Place,
Escoffier discussed gender and sexuality in porn while specifically focusing on
his work studying the "gay for pay" phenomenon in which straight men perform in
gay porn films. From his interviews with people in the industry, Escoffier has
found that 25 to 40 percent of porn actors are "gay for pay."

"To become
a porn star and to be a top, you have to be able to get an erection, and you
have to be able to fuck," Escoffier said. "In gay porn, erections are very
important, real penetration is very important and having a real orgasm is very
important, and in ways it is not in straight porn. Every porn set is filled with
stories of the hours spent waiting for an orgasm or for an erection."

In
addition to physically sexual problems that may arise, openly straight men
performing in gay films also results in a different kind of film, filled with
specific sexual symbolism and greater meaning, Escoffier said.

"The ass
is commonly emphasized because it is symbolic of the newest figures and those
most in need of sexual redefinition," Escoffier said. Additionally, boundaries
of sexuality and decency are continually pushed because "in porn, there is the
demand to produce ever more perverse sexual fantasies to keep people engaged and
watching."

Escoffier then showed a clip from the first hard-core gay
porn film that portrayed full nudity and gay sex.

But "gay for pay" is
not merely a career option; it is also an economic strategy. Actors get paid
more for filming a gay porn scene than they would for straight porn, Escoffier
said. Ultimately though, actors in gay porn make less annually because gay porn
makes up a much smaller portion of the sex industry.

Additionally, "gay
for pay" introduces social discourse issues of the ambiguity and defiance of
what might be deemed "traditional" sexual preferences and identity into society.
Escoffier, the author of "Passport to Fantasy" and a visiting scholar for the
NYU Center for the Study of Gender and Sexuality, cited one prominent porn star
in illustrating this point: "[The porn star] claims he is 'gay for pay,' but in
the course of his career, he discovered that his favorite way to be fucked is on
his back by a trannie or a girl with a strap-on. Now, how would he be
classified?"

Toward the end of the event, Escoffier considered the lack
of mainstream media coverage that the porn industry receives.

"The porn
industry is at least as big as the world of professional sports, but there are
no pages in the newspapers for it," he said. "There is no way to become known or
recognizable, and there is especially no way to talk about it without it
becoming taboo."

Gay for Pay: Straight men having sex for money

Many men--gay, straight and bisexual--can be sexual with the same sex or the opposite sex if money is involved. Most people, however think that if a man accepts money for sex with another man he cannot be straight.

Anything seen as non-masculine in a man is deemed effeminate or gay and is punishable under patriarchal standards.

"What are you a fag?"
"Dude, are you a little light in the Loafers?"

Men who have sex with men are punished by the prejudice and stigma attached to the act with people judging them to be gay--when they are not.

Straight men direct this homophobia at themselves for engaging in sexual behavior with another man and the results can be brutal.

The Case of Roger

Roger, a 32-year-old fitness instructor at a local gym, came to me because he was having sexual problems with his wife. He and Sarah had been married three years and did not have children yet. While he was able to have intercourse with her, he was no longer able to enjoy her giving him oral sex. His wife enjoyed performing fellatio; but he no longer enjoyed receiving it.

Their problem was that she didn’t like him being verbal at all—by “talking dirty,” directing and guiding her, or even telling her how he liked it. When she was either not in the mood for intercourse or was having her period, he couldn’t enjoy oral sex because of her reservations.

When Roger first called me about this problem, I suggested that he and Sarah both come to see me, so they could explore it as a couple. But he ended up coming alone, because Roger was keeping a secret from his wife: He was receiving oral sex from men. Roger said he was not gay and insisted that he couldn’t tell his wife about these experiences or she would judge him harshly.

As an older teenager, Roger realized that both men and women were attracted to him. His working out gave him a tight, muscular, carefully sculpted build. He wasn’t homophobic and denied any sexual interest in men, but did enjoy being looked at and desired by them as well as women. He told me, “Men express their desire differently than women do.” By this, he meant that men were more sincere and could openly express their aesthetic pleasure in his body.

Roger recalled when he was 20, an older man in his 30s offered him $100 if he could see him naked. Roger politely said that he was not gay. The man insisted that nothing sexual need come from it: He just wanted to see Roger pose naked in different positions. Enticed by the money, Roger agreed. While he posed, the man watched and complimented him on his good looks.
Over time, this man offered Roger more money if he could masturbate while watching Roger and ultimately, asked if he could perform fellatio on Roger with no reciprocation.

For months Roger refused, until the man started buying him gifts and giving him even more money. The man even helped Roger pay his college tuition. Roger made it clear that he was not interested in reciprocating in any way and wanted no romantic or emotional ties—that he was doing this just to earn some money for school.

Roger found himself enjoying it more than he thought he would, and appreciated that the “client” was interested in Roger’s enjoyment. In Roger’s experience, women merely tolerated fellatio, though he wanted them to desire giving it as much as he enjoyed receiving. Roger was able to talk dirty to this man and tell him how he wanted to be serviced. The man was also willing to swallow, which increased Roger’s excitement. In time, the man sent other male friends to Roger who offered money to Roger in return for sexually worshipping him. What Roger loved was that these men pursued him and honored the body he had created. He felt desired, beyond appreciating the money he received. These preferences reveal who Roger really was and from them, we can piece together Roger’s erotic intelligence.

The Punishment to Males from Patriarchy

Roger was the first of three children. When Roger turned eight, his alcoholic father told him that he would no longer kiss him and taught him how to shake hands “like a man.” While his mother remained affectionate both verbally and physically, his father did not. Thus, his family’s messages were that men don’t touch one another to show affection. As a small boy, Roger interpreted this information as his not being good enough to love. Why else would his father continue to show affection to his sisters, but not to him? Even when drunk, Roger’s father treated his sisters well, but became angry and contemptuous toward his sons. In addition, Roger was overweight. Many male authority figures– his peers, teachers (his gym teacher in particular,) and his father—made negative comments about his body.

In light of all this, Roger’s adult sexual behavior made better sense. In our work together, we discovered that the men who worshipped him were standing in for his critical, affectionately distant father. His father’s patriarchal mindset left Roger with an affectional hunger for other men that he did not acknowledge until he was pursued by men who wanted to be pleasure him. These men made him feel desired, important and respected as a man among men. Their “payment” was compensation for all the hard work he had done on his body.

We also learned that, for Roger, directing his wife and guiding her verbally and otherwise was his way of being in control of receiving oral sex. Knowing this helped Roger recognize the importance of telling his wife his interest in taking some control during oral sex. He also realized the need for letting go and letting his wife be in control some of the time too for him to heal; he would thus be able to receive the “love” he never received as a child.

Once he understood this, Roger realized he would have to start exploring his father’s alcoholism and the lack of affection he experienced as a child. Eventually, Roger joined a men’s group so that he could learn to bond with other men in healthy ways that were not at all sexual. Roger also wanted to stop the sexual activity with these men and that he needed to tell his wife the truth. This took time, since he was afraid she might assume think he was gay or at least bisexual — which he clearly was not.

By telling her, Roger could strengthen his marriage. Roger needed to be accountable for his behavior and could do so more by having understood what his sexual acting out meant. Now that he realized what he was trying to receive from these men, he could find nonsexual ways to get approval.

Roger’s wife was upset and anxious upon learning this information. It took months in couples therapy for her to understand what happened for Roger was not about being gay nor bisexual. She learned about Roger’s childhood wound and why he was driven to have sex with men. She understood what was happening during oral sex with him and became more willing to let Roger take more control given what it meant for him.

She also had to overcome the betrayal and anger she felt by his cheating in the marriage by having sex with other men. This tapped into her own homophobia as well as issues about fidelity. Through the work of couple’s therapy, which is outlined throughout this book, she and Roger were able to overcome these issues and develop a more attached and intimate relationship. Roger was finally able to receive the love he never got from his father.

**NOTE: It is important to understand that this type of case example is used by reparative therapists and those who believe in sexual conversion who would state that Roger went from being gay to straight.

In fact, Roger was straight from the start. If not for patriarchy and homophobia he would not have struggled with directing homophobia toward himself causing psychological problems.

If his father provided him with enough love and affection, perhaps Roger would not have been open to having sex for any reason with another man. But maybe he still would have. Either way what is wrong with his allowing himself to be sexual with another man in the first place?

What do readers think?