Monday, May 26, 2008



There is an interesting thread going on at regarding what constitutes bi-curious and bisexuality. It is worth reading. The following is an excerpt:

I think a person can identify as bisexual without ever having sex. If you're
attracted to men and women; I'd paint you bisexual.

So where does the bi-curious part come in? Is it a legitimate orientation?

I know some people would call bisexuality a phase, I do NOT agree with that
notion. But I do think bi-curious is a phase. It seems like the 'still
questioning' period before a person actually comes out. It seems like it's the
fantasizing, flirting, contemplating that a person does before they come to
terms with their true sexuality.

It seems to be a term reserved for straight people who always wondered what
it would be like to be with someone of the same sex. But can it be used for gay
people who wonder about being with someone of the opposite sex?

Is it fair to use the term for people who are honestly questioning their
sexuality and also use it for people who just want to experiment or are in it
for shits-n-giggles?

I've seen the term used for straight women who find out you are genuinely
attracted to women; so they treat you like they would treat any other man.
Basically, flirting and making out just so they can feel wanted and get some
attention. *no, I'm not stereotyping all straight women. I'm talking about
attention wh*res.*

If you've already had sex or a relationship with someone of the same gender,
is it logical to still identify as bi-curious? If you're found frequently making
out with people of the same sex, are you still bi-curious?

I'm trying to get some clarification because I've heard people use the term
bi-curious for things I would consider bisexual or straight women who just want
some extra attention.
This may sound like a stupid question that's already
been addressed. I'm just trying to dispel some of my ignorance.

GUYS ON FILM | Straight up gay porn for some actors

Regardless of whether or not people believe that straight men can be sexual with other men and still be straight, it seems that venues such as gay porn films and websites such as:


"Straight Guys for Gay Eyes"

"Straight College Men"

The point is that there is a lot of ignorance that straight men can have sex with other men and still be straight. The same way gay men can have sex with women and still be gay.

Here is an article that talks about some of this.

Media Credit: Alexis Johnson
GAY FOR PAY Jeffrey Escoffier shows a clip of a gay porn film to attendees.

"Some directors think that it is better to have straight men in gay porn," said
Jeffrey Escoffier, who writes about gay culture, politics and history. "They
have less trouble getting erections."

Last night at 19 University Place,
Escoffier discussed gender and sexuality in porn while specifically focusing on
his work studying the "gay for pay" phenomenon in which straight men perform in
gay porn films. From his interviews with people in the industry, Escoffier has
found that 25 to 40 percent of porn actors are "gay for pay."

"To become
a porn star and to be a top, you have to be able to get an erection, and you
have to be able to fuck," Escoffier said. "In gay porn, erections are very
important, real penetration is very important and having a real orgasm is very
important, and in ways it is not in straight porn. Every porn set is filled with
stories of the hours spent waiting for an orgasm or for an erection."

addition to physically sexual problems that may arise, openly straight men
performing in gay films also results in a different kind of film, filled with
specific sexual symbolism and greater meaning, Escoffier said.

"The ass
is commonly emphasized because it is symbolic of the newest figures and those
most in need of sexual redefinition," Escoffier said. Additionally, boundaries
of sexuality and decency are continually pushed because "in porn, there is the
demand to produce ever more perverse sexual fantasies to keep people engaged and

Escoffier then showed a clip from the first hard-core gay
porn film that portrayed full nudity and gay sex.

But "gay for pay" is
not merely a career option; it is also an economic strategy. Actors get paid
more for filming a gay porn scene than they would for straight porn, Escoffier
said. Ultimately though, actors in gay porn make less annually because gay porn
makes up a much smaller portion of the sex industry.

Additionally, "gay
for pay" introduces social discourse issues of the ambiguity and defiance of
what might be deemed "traditional" sexual preferences and identity into society.
Escoffier, the author of "Passport to Fantasy" and a visiting scholar for the
NYU Center for the Study of Gender and Sexuality, cited one prominent porn star
in illustrating this point: "[The porn star] claims he is 'gay for pay,' but in
the course of his career, he discovered that his favorite way to be fucked is on
his back by a trannie or a girl with a strap-on. Now, how would he be

Toward the end of the event, Escoffier considered the lack
of mainstream media coverage that the porn industry receives.

"The porn
industry is at least as big as the world of professional sports, but there are
no pages in the newspapers for it," he said. "There is no way to become known or
recognizable, and there is especially no way to talk about it without it
becoming taboo."

Are you in a bromance?

The following article talks about the usage of the new word "Bromance" when two straight men have loving and even romantic feelings toward one another.

The importance of this word and this concept of "mancrushes" is to dispel the myth that for a male to love and care about another male does not have to make them gay or bisexual. If it does that is fine but if their sexual and romantic identities are heterosexual then the new word for the millineum is "Bromance"

Read on and then tell me what you think can two straight men love each other and not be gay or bisexual? What if they have sex once or on occassion does that make them gay or bisexual?

Here's to 'bromance'
Katherine Bindley

Columbia News Service

Mar. 24, 2008 12:05 PM

In a 2007 episode of NBC’s hospital-based comedy Scrubs, the show’s two
main characters, J.D. and Turk, break into a musical duet proclaiming their
mutual affection. "Guy love. That’s all it is,” the song goes. "Guy love, he’s
mine, I’m his.

There’s nothing gay about it in our eyes."Turk and J.D. are two
straight male doctors who are, without a doubt, in a bromance, a relationship
defined as "the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males,”
according to

From Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid to Good Will Hunting, popular
culture is filled with examples of straight guy love. The sitcom "Friends” often
crafted jokes around the ultra-tight nature of Joey and Chandler’s relationship,
and in the 2005 film "Wedding Crashers,” Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson seemed to
have something more like a tortured love affair than a friendship.

To read more click

Then an article appeared in the Huffington Post called "Bromance comes out of the closet"

Homosexuality, of course, used to be known as the love that dare not speak
its name--until, thanks to the gayification of pop culture, it became the love
that wouldn't shut the hell up. Now the man crush (a heterosexual male's
feelings of platonic love for another man) and the bromance (when those feelings
are reciprocated) are coming out of the closet in a major way. This has been
brewing for a while (remember those "I love you, man" Bud Light commercials?),
but it reached a high point in the already-classic drunken exchange in last
year's Superbad (which also coined bromance), in which Seth tells his buddy, "I
just love you. I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, 'I love my best
friend, Evan!'"

The fact that some guys now not only admit to same-sex infatuations
without suffering a paralyzing identity crisis but announce them amounts to a
seismic cultural shift. Until recently, if a heterosexual dude wanted to reveal
something about his inner self, the safe (i.e., non-gay-seeming) option was to
take a stand about, say, The Killer versus Hard Boiled. Now he can hold forth
about his taste in men.

And finally in Time Magazine acknowledged the Bromance with their article on the movie "Superbad" with the article title Superbad: A Fine Bromance

Today we have the summer's last major comedy: Superbad, produced by Apatow
and co-written by Rogen. It's about a pudgy, mouthy slob named Seth (Jonah Hill)
and his quieter, slightly more kempt buddy Evan (Michael Cera) who want, with
variously intense degrees of desperation, to get laid before they graduate from
high school. At the end of a night of wacky hijinks, the lads do wind up in a
sleeping bag, exchanging intimacies with...each other.

Why don't Apatow and
Rogen just do the honorable thing and tell the world they're gay? It would save
them a lot of time wasted pretending their movies are about young men growing up
and finding the right young woman. It would also save movie critics from having
to find new ways of saying, about their maxi-raunch comedies, "Oh, but at heart
they're really sweet."

And while Hollywood is being honest about the new
strain of guy-meets-guy comedy — bromance, the word writer Dave Carnie coined to describe the strong emotional attachment of one man for another — maybe Will
Ferrell and Adam Sandler should come out of the closet too. In Ferrell's movies,
male merging beats female interest to a pulp, and his latest, Blades of Glory,
allows him several opportunities to stick his face in Jon Heder's crotch.
Sandler's summer hit, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, took guy-guy
friendship to its logical conclusion: two firefighters get married. At least
that seemed as far as boy-meets-boy comedies could go, until Superbad's
cuddle-up scene.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

here! Announces Second Season of 'The DL Chronicles'

By 5/12/2008

here!, America's premium gay television network, is pleased to announce that it will bring back the critically-acclaimed anthology series The DL Chronicles for a second season. It will premiere on the network in late 2008 and feature 5 new episodes.

The DL Chronicles was recently nominated for a GLAAD Media Award in the category of "Outstanding Television Movie or Mini-Series." The anthology series is the first television show to center on the "DL" phenomenon in the gay community. The DL (short for "down-low") refers to straight men of color who live their everyday lives as heterosexuals, often married to women, but engage in discreet gay sex and gay relationships on the periphery.

The show, created by Quincy Lenear and Deondray Gossett (2 Cents Productions), is not only sexy and provocative, but also offers a socially-conscious insight into the lines between sexuality and perceived socially acceptable behavior within the African-American community. It provides an unapologetic view of intimacy between men of color and explores these scintillating stories with honesty and integrity.

Cast in the role as narrator of The DL Chronicles, actor Damian T. Raven is Chadwick Williams, an aspiring journalist who pursues research while writing a book about 'men who sleep with men' (in contrast to those men who would classify themselves as gay). As Chadwick begins his research we are led into a seductively taboo world of carnal desires, conscience and consequence. The DL Chronicles features several different character-driven stories that lend perspective to the factors that influence the down-low lifestyle.

Among the stories told in the upcoming season are that which involve a high school student's newfound gay relationship and its effects on his homophobic father, a reverend who questions his sexual identity and religious beliefs upon meeting a handsome stranger, and an interracial love story about two guys from different sides of the tracks.

"We are thrilled to continue our relationship with these incredibly talented and brave writer-directors. Quincy and Deondray's stories offer important insight into an aspect of our community that has been little explored until now," said Meredith Kadlec, Senior Vice President of Original Programming.

here!, in an effort to provide both intelligent and provocative programming to its viewers, sees The DL Chronicles as one of its cornerstones. As witnessed by recognition from GLAAD, The DL Chronicles gives its audience insight into a topic rarely discussed in mainstream society. However, in doing this it also offers us stories of human depth and development that we can all recognize, relate to and enjoy on many levels, regardless of lifestyle.

Girls Love Gay Male Porn

My continued fascination with women who enjoy watching two men have sex. I wonder why there is not much talk about this. We see lots of discussion of straight men enjoying girl on girl sex calling it "lesbian porn". But what about women in general. Do they love gay male porn?

There was an article in The Village Voice:

Girls Love Gay Male Porn
Brokeback Mountain was just the beginning . . .
by Tristan Taormino
May 13th, 2008 12:00 AM

I just got back from a weekend at the University of California at Santa Barbara, where I attended "Console-ing Passions: An International Conference on Television, Audio, Video, New Media, and Feminism. It was three days of geeking out with academics about TV, the Internet, and various kinds of media studies—who knew that people are getting their Ph.D.'s in Battlestar Galactica and The Hills these days? Naturally, the first panel I went to was all about porn, with four scholars presenting papers on lesbian identity politics and pornography, the 1980s cult hit Café Flesh and its '90s sequel, the industry in Vietnam, and bad-boy director/current Justice Department target Max Hardcore, that last topic featuring the best title ever: "Scrunchies, Braces, and Throat Fucking: Performances of Girlhood in Gonzo Porn."

A bunch of women stuck around afterwards to continue the discussion that the panel had, um, stimulated, and we began talking about the kind of porn we all watched. Someone brought up the work of Shine Louise Houston's Pink and White Productions (, a San Francisco–based company that describes its mission as creating "adult entertainment that exposes the complexities of queer sexual desire . . . dedicated to producing sexy and exciting images that reflect today's blurred gender lines and fluid sexualities." She thought it was amazing; I chimed in and said, "Yes, it's diverse, radical, and I totally applaud Houston's vision."

Another person chimed in: "Do you like fag porn? All my queer female friends do." Hers wasn't a surprising question. I know lesbians who dig it more than any other kind of hardcore fare. I briefly dated a genderqueer dyke who just loved gay male porn: She ran out and got the newest title from her favorite company the day it came out. In this case, she adored movies from Bel Ami (, which feature young, hairless European lads (think the boy-on-boy version of the straight barely-legal genre). The boys are very pretty and androgynous, and some of them could definitely be mistaken for dykes with their clothes on. But other girl-loving girls love über-butch men, leather daddies, and big hairy bears, so it's not always about androgyny. By now, I think it's commonplace to accept that queer women love queer male porn, but what is that all about?

First, let's acknowledge a practical reality: There isn't a whole lot of lesbian porn produced by and for lesbians, or that feels authentic to lesbian viewers. Some dykes can get their fix of queerness—both the lust and the cultural aesthetics—via gay porn, even though it features people of a different gender than those they fuck in real life. Queer is often attracted to queer first and foremost, like when the guy I lusted after in high school turned out to be gay—it makes sense in some way.

And speaking of gender, plenty of lesbians identify with various forms of masculinity: Their own gender expression may be at the masculine end of the spectrum, or they may like to fantasize and play with gender and sex. Gay porn gives them a range of masculine desires to relate to or lust after. For those dykes who themselves identify as fag—or who like butch/butch, boi/boi, or transman/transman sex—they can see a hyper-masculine version of their own sex lives and/or fantasies performed on the small screen.

The phenomenon of straight women who love gay male porn has been documented and was discussed plenty when flocks of females gushed over Brokeback Mountain. When women came out of their fag-loving closet, it illustrated the flip side of a common theory: Plenty of straight men love girl/girl porn because they want to see lots of who they lust after. The same is true for het women: They like to look at hot naked men fucking, and it doesn't really matter that they're fucking each other. I think it may also be true that while pornos full of romance and mood lighting are marketed to women, some prefer a sweaty, get-right-down-to-it romp in the locker room any day. columnist Regina Lynn, author of Sexier Sex: Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier, writes that it's not always about identifying with someone in a scene: "For me, gay porn has always been arousing because of its masculinity. The strength and power, plus the double dose of raw male drive and sexuality, add up to more than the sum of their parts."

On, journalist Kera Bolonik admits that she gets off with men onscreen, but not in real life: "Nothing makes me hotter than watching two men going at it. There is something really admirable about gay male porn, at least in principle: it's egalitarian. Everyone gets a turn at the top as well as at the bottom. Everyone comes, and often they do it together." I'm not sure this concept of equality is attractive to everyone (I personally like a hefty dose of power dynamics with my sex), but it supports the notion of seeing some kind of sameness, something non-heterosexual represented. And it also raises the issue that many women, regardless of their orientation, have with porn: their ambivalence or discomfort with seeing female performers when issues of consent, enjoyment, and pleasure are unclear. Somehow, our concerns and feminist politics don't overshadow the sex when women are absent (as if a man could not degrade or coerce another man, which is obviously flawed logic).

I like gay porn for the hot dudes, the overflow of testosterone, and the unapologetic sexual desire. I also like straight porn. But that's a subject for another column.

For more information on Tristan Taormino's work, please visit

“Why Girls Love Gay Porn”

The following article from Playgirl Magazine is important for this blog on Straight Guise to understand that many women are attracted and aroused by two men engaging in sex with one another. I talked about it in an earlier posting about women who love to watch gay male porn.

“Why Girls Love Gay Porn”
By Clark Harding
Playgirl Magazine
November 15th, 2006

Here’s an excellent article I found in the online and hard copy

December Issue of Playgirl:

I’LL NEVER FORGET THE FIRST TIME I RENTED gay porn. Pacing outside the campus video store, I was too scared to go in. I eventually built up my courage, made a dash for it, and quickly grabbed the first porno I saw. I thought I was in the clear when I reached the front of the checkout line until I heard “Oh hey, Clark!” from down the aisle. Fuck, I’d been caught red-handed— by two sorority girls, no less. “What ya watchin’?” they asked, cheerfully inspecting my pick of Lukas In Love. Suddenly their faces brightened.

“Oh my God! Gay porn?” one asked. My only answer was silence. “We LOVE gay porn!” They exclaimed. “You have to bring it over and we’ll all watch!” Before I could digest what was happening, I was whisked back to Delta Gamma for some studious viewing. Surrounded by sisters in pajamas, bowls of popcorn and posters of Justin Timberlake, they dimmed the lights with giggles of anticipation.

“I love Lukas Rigeston!” A blonde girl cried out as the credits rolled. “Shut up, Ion Davidov has a way bigger cock!” another one said. I had no idea who these porn stars were, but as soon as the bad dialogue subsided and anal penetration commenced, the room got eerily silent. The girls weren’t just watching this for a cheap laugh… they were getting off on it.

Heterosexual men notoriously love lesbian porn. Likewise, there is a small but substantial niche of women in America who watch gay guys do it. But we’re not talking women who casually entertain soft-core, voyeuristic fantasies; we’re talking women who actively rent videos, and subscribe to websites featuring hardcore, male-on-male action. “I don’t know any straight girls that don’t like gay porn,” says Rebecca Kraus, a San Francisco acupuncturist. “I especially like to watch older guys fuck younger guys,” she adds, “That’s what I think about when I masturbate.” But how can that be? Shouldn’t male-onmale action be exclusive to men? And isn’t gay male porn marketed to, well, gay guys? Where does this social phenomenon stem from?

While at home for the holidays, I dug around in the attic for my old psychology text books. Dusting them off, I came across Sigmund Freud’s theories of psychosexual development. There’s the “oral” stage, then the “anal” stage…wait, someone should rename this “The Different Stages of Gay Porn.” Frustrated, I kept flipping in search of “penis envy.” According to Freud, young girls around the age of four notice their difference in genitalia from men. In a subconscious effort to gain the love of their fathers, they sit around wishing they had a dick.

“Oh please,” says Leslie Friebert, a feisty New York publicist. “In straight porn the man consists of a penis and occasional dirty word spoken off screen. There’s no envy in that. I like seeing men be vulnerable.” Her friend Kate agrees, “There’s something so hot in objectifying the man.” Now there’s a switch! Freud’s theory has been widely criticized by feminists, of course, because women would never want their identity to be summed up as envious of men. But does the female viewing of homosexual, male sex neutralize this criticism, thus feminizing penis envy?

With an aching brain, I decided to jettison the archaic, clichéd views of sexual academia and find someone with contemporary experience: Chi Chi La Rue. Sometimes in drag, sometimes not, this über-famous porn director is prolific in both the straight and gay porn scenes. On Wednesday nights she can be found spinning at her Los Angeles night club Dirty Deeds, where I stalked her for an answer. “It’s simply having more of a good thing on screen, honey” she said, her lipstick glistening in the light. “And since it’s men, it’s nastier and dirtier. It’s the most animalistic and testosterone-filled as you’re gonna get.” As she spoke to me, I looked out over the crowd and noticed that her strip club was populated by a healthy crowd of women. It got me to thinking, is straight womens’ affinity for gay porn an affinity to gay culture in general?

Gay bars are constantly packed with fag hag tagalongs who are uniquely promiscuous without being labeled sluts. Could women be as horny as their testosterone- charged counterparts? “I want what I can’t have,” confesses Rebecca Kraus. “Gay men are everything you could want in straight men, so watching them screw is the ultimate expression of that.” Although this subculture of women may be increasing, that doesn’t mean it’s for every woman. “Oh no, my friends think I’m weird,” says Leslie, “ and I have to admit, I didn’t like it until I watched it a couple of times. Gay porn grows on you.” “It’s not just straight girls,” continues Chi Chi. “I know straight guys who like to watch gay porn with their girlfriends. Hell, I’ve even heard of lesbian couples who watch guys. What can I say, everyone likes to watch dudes fuck!”

And there I was, destined to have my first gay porn experience surrounded by straight, horny, sorority girls. What would Freud have to say about that? He’d just be envious.

PLAYGIRL Article Written by Clark Harding

When your spouse announces he is gay

It has always been my stance that mixed orientation marriages do not have to seperate. This article supports that.

When your spouse announces he is gay
By Robert DiGiacomo

(LifeWire) -- When her husband of more than a decade revealed he was gay, Anna Marie Will was surprised -- but not shocked.

Jim and Anna Marie Will decided to stay together after he announced he was gay.

Her husband, Jim, had never fit her stereotypical idea of the sports-loving, macho, straight guy, and the two had even gone to gay bars with a friend who was gay. But that didn't mean she was prepared for the news.

"Neither one of us had a clue -- he didn't know what being gay meant for him. ... He needed to figure that out," recalls Anna Marie Will, of Sacramento, California. "I needed to figure out what his being gay meant for me, and whether I could incorporate that into my life and my marriage."
What they did know was that they believed in their marriage and wanted to make it work. Jim Will's revelation in 2001 began a three-year process during which they sorted out their feelings for each other. Ultimately, the couple, whose daughter turns 15 in March, decided to stay together.

"He had to learn to talk to me -- he had spent so many years not saying what was really on his mind, and not dealing with his true feelings," says Anna Marie Will, now 39, a worker's compensation program administrator. "We found out once we got past all that, our marriage was so much better. We still loved each other as people and partners."

Although Jim Will, 39, a secretary, had known on some level about his true orientation since he was 5, he didn't want to lose his deep bond with Anna Marie, whom he first befriended when they were in high school.

"When we married, and now still, we feel that we could spend the rest of our lives together," he says. "We want to be together."
The Wills' commitment to making their mixed-orientation marriage work over the long haul is more the exception for couples in this situation.

Nearly all couples decide to end their marriage by the third year of a spouse coming out, according to informal research conducted by Amity Pierce Buxton, a founder of and spokeswoman for the Straight Spouse Network, a support group that claims to reach about 7,000 spouses.

Even if the union is likely to end because one spouse is gay or lesbian, Buxton and her group try to help couples resolve their feelings in as positive a manner as possible.

The straight spouse is likely to feel that his or her sexual orientation has been rejected, says Buxton, whose first marriage ended in the early '80s after her husband came out. The straight spouse often also feels deceived and questions his or her beliefs about gender, as well as assumptions about the relationship: Wasn't I enough of a woman to keep him from straying? Wasn't I man enough to keep her from "turning"?

"After the initial shock, they gradually get to face the reality of the changes," says Buxton, author of "The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families."

"Once they realize they can't go back, only then can they start ... deciding what's best for them."
What Should You Tell the Kids?

Mixed-orientation couples like the Wills who also are parents must figure out what -- if anything -- to tell the kids about their relationship.

If the gay or lesbian spouse is not planning to act on his or her orientation, it may not be necessary to explain the situation at all, according to Shara Sand, a clinical assistant professor of psychology at the Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology, Albert Einstein College of Medicine, at Yeshiva University.

For couples who agree on an open relationship, they may feel they have to broach the subject with their child. But Sand believes it's not advisable to do so before he or she reaches age 10, or the point at which they are capable of understanding abstract concepts.

"I might say something like, 'Mom and Dad still love each other very much... but we have a need to be close to other people. Some people have relationship where it's okay to live with someone and also be close to other people'," Sand suggests.

At no time should the couple discuss their sex life with their kids.

"I do think we've become a little boundary-less," Sand says. "I don't think it's necessarily appropriate for children to be led into the intimate part of their parents' relationship ever. Even if you have an open marriage, and you go out swinging, it's not something you necessarily tell your children."

One thing's familiar -- compromise

The Wills didn't talk much about their situation for about three months while Anna Marie Will began to come to terms with it. Then they started a series of discussions about the future of their relationship -- talks that were helped when she consulted the Straight Spouse Network and Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. The Wills set aside a time each week to discuss their feelings, rather than have the issue dominate their daily lives.

Eventually, they decided to have an open relationship, in which either could seek companionship from other people, and to continue their marriage on both an emotional and a sexual level.
Nevertheless, Jim identifies himself as gay, not bisexual. Anna Marie is straight.

"Both of us are free to do whatever we choose," Anna Marie Will says. "I haven't strayed beyond the marriage because I'm happy with the marriage in a mental and physical capacity."

Jim Will says he has had encounters with men but has not pursued a full-fledged relationship.
"To this day, I have a very difficult time going out," he says. "It's not cheating because she knows what I'm doing, but something about it is not right for me, and then the experience doesn't seem worth it.

"I feel like I need to find the balance somehow of living both sides," he says.

The Wills' relationship, albeit nontraditional, seems to be like most marriages in one respect: It's all about compromise.

"You can't help who you love," Anna Marie Will says. "I can't imagine sharing a sunrise or sunset, or good day or bad day, with anyone else.

"When you find that person, you know that's it."

Says her husband: "Your relationship can be different from everyone else's, and if it works for you in your heart, that's what you do."

It's a "Guy Thing", not a "Gay Thing"!

Public Sex Confidential

Overnight, senator Larry Craig became the poster boy for public sex. But as Benoit Denizet-Lewis reminds us, the phenomenon is anything but new -- and it's not just a closeted republican thing. So what is it that still drives some in the gay community out of the bedroom and into the Bathroom?

By Benoit Denizet-Lewis
From The Advocate January 15, 2008

Benoit Denizet-Lewis interviewed me on gay men and public sex. Here are excerpts from the article in the Advocate:

“Public sex is alive and well,” says Joseph Couture, author of Peek Inside the Private World of Public Sex.. “Authorities are becoming more creative and
effective at policing it, but horny men are very resourceful. You can have all
the gay marriage you want, but public sex isn’t going anywhere.”

Some assumed that the Internet would do away with the need for sex in the bushes.
After all, why leave the house when you can have your man delivered? Others
hoped that as American society became more accepting of gay people, fewer gay
men would engage in furtive, anonymous encounters. But websites directing men to
public sex places continue to be popular, universities are redesigning their
bathrooms to make them less conducive to cruising, and every month brings news
of police crackdowns like the one in Johnson City, Tenn., where 40 men were
arrested in 2007 for indecent behavior in area parks.

At least one mayor,
Fort Lauderdale, Fla.’s Jim Naugle, proposed drastic measures to deal with the
rampant “homosexual activity” in public restrooms. He wanted to spend $250,000
of the city’s money on self-cleaning robotic bathrooms designed with doors that
automatically open every few minutes, theoretically making sex inside them
impossible. Naugle noted that he prefers the word homosexual to the word gay,
because, he insists, most gay people are actually “unhappy.” Outraged, gay
activists began the “Flush Naugle’s Bigotry” campaign and encouraged people to
send rolls of toilet paper to the mayor’s office to help him “wipe his dirty
mind clean.”

So what explains the pull of public sex for gay men? Why do
some of us risk arrest, humiliation, gay bashings, and sexually transmitted
diseases in order to get off in the shadows?

It’s no secret that risk and danger are aphrodisiacs for many people and that public sex offers an adrenaline rush. But Kort, the psychotherapist, believes there’s a more powerful force to explain why some gay men spend much of their free time cruising public places for sex and why they regularly risk arrest to do so. One man cited in Tewksbury’s study, for example, had been arrested three times for cruising in the same park.

“What no one wants to really talk about is the role that sexual compulsion and addiction plays in this,” Kort says. “I would argue that a majority of men who regularly engage in public sex are either addicted to the rush, the escape, or the shame of public sex. Many gay men will go to great lengths to say that this is a behavior that they enjoy, that they want to be doing this, but if you probe deeper, they’re not happy. This isn’t an activity that makes them feel good about themselves, but they can’t stop doing it.”

Kort adds that many self-identified adult gay men mistakenly believe that by coming out of the closet, they got over whatever self-hate and shame they’d felt growing up gay in a straight world. Anonymous public sex, Kort says, is sometimes a way for gay men to play out shame and self-hate -- to essentially retraumatize themselves. “I call it returning to the scene of the crime -- the crime scene being our childhoods, where we were often degraded or humiliated for being different and where we were told hundreds of negative messages about how gay life is only about sex and how we’ll never find true love and don’t deserve a quality life,” Kort says. “The trauma of our childhoods get sexualized, and we express it at 3 a.m. on a cold night with a stranger in a park or in a rank bathroom along a highway.”

Books referred to in this article:

Born in the USSA! (Unwanted Same Sex Attractions)

No this is not a Bruce Springsteen song!

USSA stands for Unwanted Same Sex Attractions.

Sadly, the organizations which support them are mostly anti-gay and teach that there is nothing positive or okay about anyone being lesbian or gay.

This is where I part ways with these types of reparative therapies and exgay organizations. I believe that there are those with same sex attractions (SSA) and with the right therapy can rid themselves of them. However for those who are successful there were not gay from the start in my judgment. Perhaps they were bisexual or sexual abuse survivors or many other reasons men and women have sexual interest in the same gender.

A disturbing website exists titled, "" which states the following:

What is Same-sex Attraction?

Same-sex attraction is an intense interest in others of the same gender. This
interest may include desires for their attention, friendship, intimacy, and/or a
fascination with their bodies and other gender traits. It may also include
erotic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors directed toward the same gender. The
psychological community uses the term homosexuality to refer to the entire
complex that includes attractions, feelings, desires, sexual behavior, identity,
and all its associated aspects, such as problems with masculinity,
self-perception, emotional dependencies, and relationship issues.

A person who experiences same-sex attraction may experience emotional and sexual feelings or attractions, and may or may not engage in sexual behavior. Same-sex attraction cannot be identified simply by the presence or absence of outward
sexual behavior. Read a more complete description of what is same-sex

So far in reading this I agree and I believe there are those who fall into this category and could be acting out homosexually and not be gay or bisexual.

However, the website turns to a chill toward gays and lesbians when you click on a page that says the following:

The plight of gay people

Gays and lesbians suffer, often unjustly and unfairly. In addition to
their difficult internal struggles, they also encounter the ignorance and
prejudice of others. Instead of receiving love and support from their families,
they are often ostracized. Rather than being involved in supportive church
groups, they find themselves on the outside because even good Christians often
don’t know how to react to someone with same-sex attraction.

Gay people are sometimes evicted by landlords, fired by employers, and
even face violent physical attacks. Hate crimes are increasing and some people
use AIDS
as an excuse to show their hatred.1 Less than 2% of the gay population survives
to age 65. They are 116 times more likely to be murdered and 24 times more
likely to commit suicide than the average person.2 It is a difficult lifestyle
where AIDS and other factors cause suffering and premature death.3 The
collective anger over mistreatment and the frustration caused by their internal
struggles are powerful forces behind the gay rights movement.

They use misinformation, lies, and scare tactics to persuade everyone struggling with same sex attractions that they are really straight and that there is nothing good about being gay.

I believe in "outing" these organizations and will do so from time to time on this blog to show how harmful they are.

I believe that men and women who struggle with same sex attraction deserve to have the path of heterosexuality and homosexuality open to them and they they deserve to find their way on their own with guides who do not have an agenda!

I am hopeful that myself and those reading my blog and books are those guides.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Straight Men Who Have Sex with Men (SMSM)

I submitted an article which was accepted at on straight men who have sex with men.

Men Who Have Sex with Men (MSM) is a term derived from the growing body of
literature showing that not all men who have sex with men are gay. Adopted by
sex researchers and AIDS organizations to classify men who have sexual relations
with other men but whose sexual identity is neither gay nor bisexual, the
acronym recognizes a reality that complicates our tendency to divide the world
into heterosexuals and homosexuals, with a small number of bisexuals, who are
sometimes thought of as simply gay men or lesbians who have not come to terms
with their homosexuality. That is, the reality of sexual activity is more
complicated than the traditional binary (or even trinary) system of nomenclature
can accommodate.

This article focuses on straight men who have sexual
relations with men (SMSM). They are not gay nor are they bisexual, though their
behavior might be seen as bisexual or homosexual.

To read on click here