Here is exactly what I have been talking about in terms of women and their male partner's sexuality.
Time Out New York / Issue 621 : August 22, 2007 - August 22, 2007
By Jamie Bufalino
Q: This question needs a lot of setup, so I hope you’ll bear with me. I’m a 28-year-old straight guy; my girlfriend and I (we live together) went out last weekend with another couple we’ve become friends with. We’d been drinking a lot, and before we called it a night the other couple invited us up for one last drink.
We were just sitting around talking, and of course the subject of sex came up and instantly changed the vibe in the room. We kept drinking and sharing sex stories and then the other couple started going at it—kissing, he was grabbing her boobs, she had her hand in his crotch.
My girlfriend and I looked at each other and decided to start going at it too. You can probably tell where this is going—yep, foursome! But an awkward foursome. At first, we were all just naked with our own significant others, but then the guy suggested we all go into the bedroom.
To make a long story short, my girlfriend and I had a quick discussion about it and laid some ground rules. I was okay with watching her get fucked by the other guy (as long as he wore a condom) and of course I was okay with her fooling around with the girl. She was cool with me fucking the other girl, but then she kind of laughed and said, “No guy-on-guy.”
Obviously, I wasn’t expecting or desiring any guy-on-guy, but in the middle of the four-way (while the girls were on top of each other), the guy grabbed my dick and started sucking it. I went with it, and there was hell to pay afterward.
I got called certain names, my sexuality was questioned.
We worked it out, but I’m left with some anger toward my girlfriend. What do you have to say about the whole situation?
Here is Jamie Bufalino's excellent answer:
A: Frankly, I think your girlfriend needs to grow up. Either she’s into being sexually open and adventurous or she’s not—she can’t have it both ways, and she can’t embrace it just for her and not you.
It’s pathetic and hypocritical enough that so many straight guys think that girl-on-girl sex is hot while being completely homophobic when it comes to guy-on-guy, so the world doesn’t need straight women exhibiting such stupidity as well.
It also annoys me that you gave her carte blanche to do whatever she wanted, and she repaid you by giving you restrictions. In the larger picture, what her actions reveal is that she’s got serious trust issues.
The idea that one homo-ish encounter (while she was in the room and having a homo-ish encounter of her own, no less) somehow means that you’re not the man she thought you were is ridiculous. She turned what could have been a fun sexfest into a self-conscious test of your devotion. Good for you for working through it, but since you’ve still got anger about the incident, you two need to hash things out again. I wouldn’t focus on the sex part—zero in on the trust problem.
Ask her why she felt the need to rein you in so much. Delve into what her fears are regarding the health, status and longevity of your relationship. The homo freak-out was merely a symptom of some underlying insecurity, so the best thing you can do is summon up compassion for her on that score and not take her suspiciousness as a personal affront.