On MSNBC's column Sexploration by Brian Alexander he answers this question below
Q. My husband of four years is driving me crazy about oral sex. I don’t like doing it and don’t want to. I think it is degrading and disgusting. He also wants to see me on “all fours” naked. This is also degrading to me. Any advice?
Brian's answer below:
A. Aside from doing it, you mean? Well, how about reading Joe Kort’s last comment above about trying to understand men's needs and desires and then making an effort?
You seem pretty quick to place limits on sex. No oral? No doggie style? Geez. Look, getting married does not mean you must accede to everything your spouse desires, but perhaps you should ask yourself why you think oral sex is disgusting and degrading. Religious teaching?
Brian then goes on to spotlight the work of Joe Beam who is a religious expert who preaches that if your husband wants to engage in certain sexual fantasies, acts and behaviors with you as his wife why is that humiliating and degrading?
While I do not agree with Beam's religious aspects--which are anti-gay amongst other things--or his politics (He has rubbed elbows with James Dobson and the late Jerry Falwell) I believe his sexual message is a good one for couples--gay or straight.
He says:
Can you give us some techniques for oral sex?
He does, and, using his hand and arm as props, describes it in detail (“…creating suction and warmth with your mouth, your tongue here…”) complete with sound effects.
Is mutual masturbation OK?
"Yes."
Which sex toys are good, and can we use them at all?
“I usually get the question this way,” Beam answers. “‘What does the Bible say about vibrators?”
More laughter.
“Can we use a vibrator? Sure you can if you want to.”
What can you do if your wife is having trouble reaching orgasm?
“Try having sex doggy-style and simultaneously masturbating.”
He offers another suggestion: “You’ve heard of the proverbial 69?” Some in the audience return blank stares. He stares back, open-mouthed, and gently mocks them. “Huh? Is that in Acts?”
1 comment:
Hmm, you know, I do not view oral sex or "doggie-style" sex as degrading, but I do think that some people may view these acts as degrading and are turned on by the idea of their partner (or themself) doing something they consider degrading. Maybe the reason this woman thinks of those acts as degrading is because she senses that degrading her is her husband's goal in suggesting these acts. I think our culture encourages a lot of people to associate sex with shame and disgust and therefore to be aroused by shame and disgust, maybe their own or maybe someone else's. I would guess that there are quite a lot of people who are aroused, even *primarily* aroused, by degradation.
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